


Make a Solemn Vow To Become Your Best Self Now

by CircaMortem



Category: Black Friday - Team StarKid
Genre: Autistic! John McNamara, Ethan Green Lives, John Needs A Hug, M/M, My First AO3 Post, Other, This is for Gretchen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:48:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23692645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CircaMortem/pseuds/CircaMortem
Summary: John and Xander deal with life one step at a time after the events of Black Friday.
Relationships: Xander Lee/John McNamara
Comments: 7
Kudos: 32





	1. Chapter One

Black Friday was over, and things were pretty much back to normal, well as healthy as they could be; many people lost their lives, but thankfully some were able to be saved. When P.E.I.P Agents went to scour the mall, they found a teenage boy in the mass destruction of the mall, and they expected he'd make a full recovery, A girl and her little sister went on the ambulance with him to the hospital, not thinking much about it. Xander didn't know too much about anything in the days following the Black Friday incident. John wasn't supposed to be alive, and he was grateful that he had his husband back in his arms and that he wasn't writing a fake death because you can't put "trapped in an interdimensional world" on a death certificate without being questioned.

John had been put through a lot the last couple of weeks, but his confident facade was slowly starting to crumble. Even though Xander insisted that his husband take care of himself, John refused to listen, insisting he was fine. Lately, his husband had been paying closer attention to himself, which made him rather stoic and more like a robot, his lover was calculating his moves to make sure Xander didn't realize anything was wrong. Xander realized tho, and he was starting to forget about himself because he was so worried about his husband, who at this moment was reciting P.E.I.P's emergency plans in case of a nuclear attack from memory, step by step, number by number. Xander let him, and he knew it was a technique to calm himself down when even he couldn't help. All he could do at this point was reassure John that if he needed him, he would be here.

President Goodman had called John and Xander into the Oval Office that day for drinks to celebrate the destruction of Wiggly and The United States, helping Russia rebuild after the nuke went off. It must have been hard to convince a country that you don't mean war, especially when a nuke destroyed innocent lives. Xander chalks it up to being the president's job to protect their people as he was surrounded by bodyguards walking down the long halls of the white house with John, who was quiet. 

He thinks back to this morning when he reminded John of their meeting with the President. He heard John stop reciting things and instead play with the safety on his gun. On. Off. On. Off. He had been hearing this sound all morning, it was enough to make him explode, but he knew John needed it and John's needs were more important than his annoyance, annoyance wouldn't do either of them good. John started speaking to him again this morning, it was a lot of mumbled apologies and questions about P.E.I.P, but he was talking. Progress, Xander thought to himself as he made John the pancakes he liked when he got into these episodes. He reminded his husband about the meeting, which Xander then was greeted with a massive sigh and a nod but no complaints like the other days following Black Friday. Xander almost sighed in relief.

The door to the oval office opened, and the guards held the door open for them. Xander finally heard the clicking of the safety come to a stop, and the General came to life like a puppet. President Howard Goodman was still the same man he met on Black Friday but a bit more timid and stressed; he seemed to be dealing with it well tho. John greeted Howard in the same reliable voice he was used to hearing time and time again,

"Pleasure to see you again, President Goodman."

"John, you can just call me Howie."

Howard led them to one of the couches in the oval office being polite while they were talking, Xander and John were quick to follow cue. John took a second to process that information, but he nodded, accepting the information before speaking again with the same level of confidence.

"Well Howie, I know you've met most of P.E.I.P during the Wiggly incident, but I'd like to reintroduce you to Xander Lee, who is my husband and also a theoretical physicist for P.E.I.P"

Howard smiled in Xander's direction before saying, 

"Well Xander is a pleasure to meet you again, Black Friday was quite the day."

Howard held out his hand, and Xander shook it before going back to his prior position saying with a tone that hinted at laughter,

"It was quite the day."

When Xander said that he heard the sound of the safety go back the music of repetition. He saw his husband's facade melt off him to go back to exactly how he was since John into the Black and White, except for this time his husband was nonverbal. Xander didn't know what happened to John or what he saw or even how he got back, but it was a miracle, also if miracles weren't backed by theoretical analysis. He offered John his hand and almost immediately took it with a firm but comforting grasp. 

Xander snapped out of it when he saw Howard's concerned face begin to speak to him,

"Is he sick?" 

"No, not exactly."

"He looks almost catonic."

Xander looked at his husband for permission to say anything about what was going on and when John tapped out in Morse code he could, Xander turned back to Howie,

"Let me explain."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on tumblr @ethangreenstan


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Howard is a supportive friend and John has a mission.

John was clicking the safety of his gun, but it was a slower pace than it was when the topic of the wiggly incident was brought up. Xander shifted in his chair, his hand still in John's firm grasp. He began to talk in a rather calming tone. That way, Howard didn't think John was dying, and also, so his husband wasn't even more overloaded by noises. 

"Well how do I put this"

The sound of silence filled the room that gave Xander room to think of how he wanted to word this on his husband's behalf. He had heard John tell specific members of P.E.I.P about being on the spectrum in the past. Still, he was never put into a position where he would have to explain it to anyone John knew, especially the president of the United States of America. Xander wasn't sure what to tell because, to him, John was just John and that all that mattered to him. He wasn't sure what to say, and there's not exactly an excellent way to go about this. 

He did know John tho, and he knew that if he messed up or said anything wrong, he would be told in morris code. John learned Morse code because "American Sign Language isn't universal Xander, What if I am in Japan? What will I do then". Xander was grateful that the academy trained and tested all the field agents on the subject, or he would've been screwed. Not that Xander wouldn't learn a new language just for his husband because he would.

He smiled gently and began to speak, breaking the silence.

"Well, John has been going through a lot since Black Friday."

Howard looked even more confused and concerned but held a look of understanding,

"Well, we all have been through a lot since then."

"Yes, of course, we all have"

Xander and Howard finally made full eye contact, and Howard seemed to be growing more confused. Xander read his expression like a book and went to speak on the issue at hand, but Howard beat him to it, not beating around the bush at all.

"So, is this trauma-related?"

"In the past, certainly, but not at this moment."

Xander began with a bit of hesitation and looked over at John, who tapped out,

"Y.O.U C.A.N T.E.L.L H.I.M X.A.N.D.E.R"

That was enough encouragement to keep Xander speaking, and John looked grateful for that.

"To put it bluntly sir, my husband is on the autism spectrum and has been on leave from the agency since we found him"

John gave him an unamused look, most definitely because of how straight forward he was. Xander noted this and tried to reframe what was said,

"Well, he's been in and out of shutdowns for awhile due to sensory issues, since we found him."

John looked satisfied when he heard that conclusion and looked away towards the window staring off into space thinking. John's brain was generally like a ball of yarn, gently wrapped up into a satisfying ball. Still, after he came back, he noticed his ball of yarn had unraveled. Usually, these episodes would last for an hour, or a couple days at most, but he'd been in one for weeks. He tried to get in contact with the black and white for some beckon of hope and all he heard was the comforting voice saying,

"Girl with the hat, back where you began, the lovers."

Usually, the general would immediately know the answer to what this meant, but he didn't really understand. He had spoken to Webby multiple times in the past for advice, and this time she seemed cautious. It would make sense since the last time he saw the spider was as he was being evaporated into the never-ending void. He should have died, he thought to himself, but thankfully he was found in the debris of the mall, breathing, wide awake. John only finally agreed to allow his body to sleep when he saw Xander hopping on the ambulance. The general ended up being brought to P.E.I.P's secret hospital that was meant to treat accidents involved with paranormal phenomena.

John snapped out of his thoughts when he saw the lights ever so slightly dim, enough for him to regain some sort of composure. He noticed the bodyguards who were usually standing by the door were missing. He mumbled something just so his partner and friend could hear him,

"Thank you."

Both Xander and Howard sighed in relief at hearing the general speak. Xander and Howard had talked for a while and came up with the best plan, it wasn't exactly easy for the president to get rid of his bodyguards so he may have had to pull a lot of strings. Eventually was able to lock the door and dim the lights, which were Xander's suggestion. Xander watched his husband straighten his posture, make sure the gun's safety was on, and fixed his hat that he never seemed to take off. John was definitely not back to being his full self, but he seemed able to at least get back to a state of being semi-comfortable in his own skin.

Howard poured John whiskey into a glass and offered it to John and smiled,

"Nice to have you back, John."

John took the cold glass and took a drink before he replied almost too quickly, but no one seemed to mind,

"It's nice to be back."

John shifted in his seat and placed his glass on the expensive coffee table. The general now looked like he had something he wanted to say that was of uttermost importance. John made sure Xander and Howard were ready to listen, and then when saw they both had his full attention, he spoke:

"In any of the survivors, was there a girl with a hat? They may have been hurt or known someone that was hurt."

Howard stood and quickly went to his desk, he looked through all the papers and files before speaking.

"Well, there is one who matches your description."

"What's her name?"

"Hannah Foster"


End file.
